If your ambition were an animal, what would it be?

A lark. Incredibly active right around sunrise, but mellows considerably once the rest of the world is awake.

What's something you believe with absolutely no evidence?

That the fact that the moon, Mars and Mercury were in Taurus when I was born is literally responsible for my entire personality.

If your anxiety had a favorite outfit, what would it wear?

Hospital gown, ass hanging out. When my anxiety flares up (thankfully not very often anymore), it manifests as health anxiety 100% of the time. When the anxiety comes for me, I can literally get a mild cramp in my big toe and become immediately convinced it's a symptom of a yet undiscovered auto-immune disorder.

What object in your home knows too much about you?

My journal. I can (and have) written in it for hours on end. It knows things about me even I don't know. My future biographer will be simultaneously grateful for all the material, and probably also mildly horrified.

If your calendar had a personality, what would it be like?

Henry David Thoreau when he lived near Walden Pond. If you're not familiar, think: very remote cabin in the woods. I hate having anything on the calendar, even "fun" social stuff, and my happy place is when my calendar for the week has nothing on it; and I do mean nothing. This is partially due to not being wired to be a particularly social creature, but it's more so that my creativity needs a lot of "blank space" in order to operate. I really struggle to write or create when a firm time commitment looms, even if it's hours in the future. Almost as though my Muse refuses to come out and play because she knows she's not free to get completely lost in the zone.

What tiny inconvenience makes you feel personally targeted?

Having to trim my fingernails. I like short nails and mine grow fast, which means I have to face this demon a couple times a week. I'd rather floss, go for a run, hand wash a cheese grater ...

What's a hobby you've never attempted but deeply intrigues you?

Making bread. I think about it a weird amount but have never even tried! (Update: my husband now makes bread, so I don't have to!)

If your inner monologue had to be narrated by a celebrity, who would you pick and why?

Not a celeb, so much as a specific character: Nick Miller. If he's on deadline for another zombie book, then Wednesday Addams.

What is your superpower?

I don't really get bored or lonely ... ever. I'm pretty happy entertaining myself for days on end.

If someone followed you around for 24 hours, what would confuse them most?

That I love to go to bed in the 8pm hour, and often am awake by 4am. On purpose. This is highly uncool in a city where shows don't start until 7pm, and 7:45 dinner reservations are considered "early." But my brain does its best work in the early morning. Case in point, I'm writing this post from bed at 3:45am, and many college papers and Lauren Layne books have been written much the same way. And honestly, I just like being up early more than I do being up late. One of my favorite fantasies is flipping the script. Being bold enough so that when someone suggests dinner at 8pm on Friday, I say, "I can't, but how about bagels at 6am on Saturday?" And when they laugh incredulously and say they'll be in bed, I reply, "Wait, so you don't want to change your sleep routine to grab a meal on someone else's schedule?!"

If your life had a sound effect that played every time you entered a room, what would it be?

The clack of old-fashioned typewriter.

If your inner critic had a name and a profession…

Jace, never Jason. Went to MIT. Dropped out because he was smarter than the professors, or so he thought. Now is an essential part of Silicon Valley's unique brand of bro culture. Turns every single idea into an app that is acquired for 7 figures. Jace knows that none of my ideas or passions are even remotely scalable to pay for Manhattan's cost of living, and lets me know it often.

If your childhood bedroom could talk, what's one sentence it would say?

"I know there's a cactus in a broken pot hidden in the back of your bookshelf because you're too scared to tell your parents you dropped it…"

Which animal do you think needs a new PR team?

Spiders. Evolution totally did them dirty… "Hey, yeah, so you're going to have two more legs than the other bugs, which means your gait's going to be distinctly unsettling. Also, don't even think about trying to hang out with the insects, because you're not one. Also, some of you will be poisonous. Also, some of you will have to live out your days in a lighted box as an inexplicable pet. Also, you will have sticky string that shoots out of your butt, which you must use to build your own house. You will then have to rebuild that house constantly, because your butt string is fragile. Also, for a hot minute you'll be tempted to thank E.B. White for making you a heroine in Charlotte's Web, but best you don't get too invested in the ending…"

If your personality were a location, where would it be?

A really remote cabin in the woods, but a nice one. Like, it's way off-the-grid, but also somehow has super fast wi-fi, wine cellar, and excellent water pressure.

If your laundry could give you performance reviews, what would it say?

"Proficient, but no style points. It's like you don't even enjoy this…"

Which do you trust more: instinct or logic?

For the first three decades of my life, I'd have said logic without hesitation, but something started to shift when I hit 40, I started  opening my mind to things that can't be seen/proven. Tarot. Astrology. All things witchy. 🔮👀 I still trust logic more, but ask me again in 5 years...