The Machine
Over the past few years, I’ve been making a lot of noise about “how I don’t use social media” when what I meant was this:
I don’t use Instagram much.
(I haven’t touched Twitter, Facebook, etc for nearly a decade, so Insta is the only platform that’s kinda relevant).
But for all my talk (posturing) about how I don’t use social media, the truth is I have two Insta accounts; a professional one as my author pen name, and a private/personal one.
The first I’ve posted to only twice in the past couple years, and only because my publisher overtly pressured me to and I caved (I still regret it).
The second, I’ve never posted to, but use it occasionally to creep on a few creators/designers whose work I like, but who don’t have websites, and only post their work to Instagram.
👆🏻 I’m not letting myself edit those above paragraphs, because it’s the point of the whole article. But note the language I instinctively use to explain the fact that I have any kind of Instagram presence:
“kinda relevant…”
“Only twice…”
“Only because…”
“I regret it”
“I’ve never, but…”
“Occasionally…”
This is par for the course for me the past few years. Telling myself and everyone else (with no small amount of smugness) that I don’t use social, but here’s what that “assertion” actually sounds like:
“Oh, but I don’t actually post anything …”
“Oh, I hardly ever log in …”
“Oh, I only use it for … and very seldom …”
“I don’t keep even have the app installed on my phone…”
“I mean, I technically have an account because of This Justification, but …”
I even hear myself doing it all the time with Anth. He is my safe space in all things, and yet whenever I see something on Instagram that I want to tell him about, even a dumb meme, I preface it with:
“So, I haven’t logged in forever, but I had to for This One Reason, and while I was there …”
“I downloaded the app because I had to Do This ‘Essential’ Thing, and saw…”
“I was only on Instagram because … but I happened to see …”
Maybe you genuinely use and enjoy social media. If you get something out of it, own it.
But maybe some of this sounds familiar. Maybe you have some utterances of your own in a futile attempt to quiet that voice that says “this isn’t what I’m meant for…”
“I only have a Facebook account to connect with family…”
“I use a scheduler to autopost, so I’m not even really on the app…”
“My assistant….”
“Facebook/Insta! I would never! Zuck’s the devil! … But I do like TikTok for…”
“TikTok! I would never! Who knows how China uses our data … But I do use Twitter for …”
“I don’t like social media either, but unfortunately, it’s a necessary evil for my line of work…”
“I have an account, but I don’t really use it…”
“…for the DMs….”
“…for the recipes…”
“…for birthdays…”
Maybe your justifications are true; they were for me! I really wasn’t on it that much. We’re talking maybe a couple hours out of my entire year.
But lately I’ve been hyper aware of the fact that I’ve been doing a really good job of talking about not being on Instagram while still being on Instagram.
I mentioned that my publisher really pushed me to be post to Instagram, and that’s true. But it’s also true that they couldn’t have easily pressured me if I didn’t have an account in the first place.
I mentioned that I had a private account I used to check on creators who are only on Instagram, and that’s true. But it’s also true that the reason those creators can get away with only posting their work on Instagram is because people like me are willing to create accounts to see their work on Instagram.
We tell ourselves that we aren’t the ones feeding the social machine, because we want to avoid the fact that by the very act of having an account (yes, even that one we “hardly use”), we are in fact part of the social machine.
Last month, I was on Instagram, but “hardly used it.” Performative.
Last week, I deactivated both of my accounts. Temporary.
Today, I deleted my accounts. Permanent.
“Not being on Instagram” is not the same as not being on Instagram.
“Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.” — Epictetus
