Stamped Cross Stitch
I forget when the silly image first popped into my head, but sometimes when I sit down to write, I imagine it as sewing.
The “pen” (keyboard) is the needle. I then thread the needle with an idea or story of some kind and then sew until I get something recognizable. A sweater (novel), a questionable sock (the articles on this blog).
Only sometimes I don’t feel like making a sweater or a sock, but I still want the ritual of sewing. Basically, I want to sew, but have someone pick the thread and pattern for me.
Which actually, is a real thing.
When I was a kid, I used go to Michael’s during summer vacation and get a stamped cross stitch kit. The design is already printed onto the fabric and all the appropriate colored threads are provided. You just have to pull the thread, in the pattern provided. Basically the sewing equivalent of paint by numbers.
Today, I’m doing a “write by numbers.” I asked ChatGPT to come up with 10 random interview questions. My only parameters were “varied in topic and seriousness, and non-cliché.”
Stamped cross stich, but for writers…
Which do you trust more—instinct or logic?
My instinctual reaction was logic. 😅 And I think I stand by that answer, though I’ve been easing my grip the past couple years, opening my mind to things that can’t be seen/proven. Tarot. Astrology. All things witchy. 🔮👀 I feel immeasurably happier and calmer, even though there’s no logical reason why.
If your laundry could give you performance reviews, what would it say?
“Proficient, but no style points. It’s like you don’t even enjoy this…”
If your personality were a location, where would it be?
A really remote cabin in the woods, but a nice one. Like, it’s way off-the-grid, but also somehow has super fast wi-fi, wine cellar, and excellent water pressure.
Which animal do you think needs a new PR team?
Spiders. Evolution totally did them dirty…
Hey, yeah, so you’re going to have two more legs than the other bugs, which means your gait’s going to be distinctly unsettling. Also, don’t even think about trying to hang out with the insects, because you’re not one. Also, some of you will be poisonous. Also, some of you will have to live out your days in a lighted box as an inexplicable pet. Also, you will have sticky string that shoots out of your butt, which you must use to build your own house. You will then have to rebuild that house constantly, because your butt string is fragile. Also, for a hot minute you’ll be tempted to thank E.B. White for making you a heroine in Charlotte’s Web, but best you don’t get too invested in the ending…
If your childhood bedroom could talk, what’s one sentence it would say?
“I know there’s a cactus in a broken pot hidden in the back of your bookshelf because you’re too scared to tell your parents you dropped it…”
If your inner critic had a name and a profession …
Jace, never Jason. Went to MIT. Dropped out because he was smarter than the professors, or so he thought. Now is an essential part of Silicon Valley’s unique brand of bro culture. Turns every single idea into an app that is acquired for 7 figures. Jace knows that none of my ideas or passions are even remotely scalable to pay for Manhattan’s cost of living, and lets me know it often.
If your life had a sound effect that played every time you entered a room, what would it be?
The clack of old-fashioned typewriter.
If someone followed you around for 24 hours, what would confuse them most?
That I love to go to bed in the 8pm hour, and often am awake by 4am. On purpose.
This is highly uncool in a city where shows don’t start until 7pm, and 7:45 dinner reservations are considered “early.”
But my brain does its best work in the early morning. Case in point, I’m writing this post from bed at 3:45am, and many college papers and Lauren Layne books have been written much the same way. And honestly, I just like being up early more than I do being up late.
One of my favorite fantasies is flipping the script. Being bold enough so that when someone suggests dinner at 8pm on Friday, I say, “I can’t, but how about bagels at 6am on Saturday?” And when they laugh incredulously and say they’ll be in bed, I reply, “Wait, so you don’t want to change your sleep routine to grab a meal on someone else’s schedule?!”
What is your superpower?
I don’t really get bored or lonely. I’m pretty happy entertaining myself for days on end.
If your inner monologue had to be narrated by a celebrity, who would you pick and why?
Not a celeb, so much as a specific character: Nick Miller. If he’s on deadline for another zombie book, then Wednesday Addams.
What’s a hobby you’ve never attempted but deeply intrigues you?
Making bread. I think about it a weird amount but have never even tried!
