Notes
Thoughts & Goings-Ons
Why years seem to pass faster as we get older
Proportionality
One year is a much larger fraction of a kid’s life than an adult’s. At age 10, a year is 10% of our entire life. At 50, a single year is only 2% of our life. The older we get, each year takes up “less space” in our overall lived experience. It feels less big, because proportionately, it is.
Memory Density
Our brains encode new and novel experiences with more richness than they do routine experiences. Childhood is filled with first-time events, while adulthood tends toward routine. Because we tend to have fewer “first experiences” as adults, our brain doesn’t have as many “memory markers” to flag.
Attention and Processing Speed
As we age, we process information more slowly and release less dopamine (a neurotransmitter tied to time perception). This means we may have less sensitivity to short intervals, making time feel as though it is passing more quickly.
Mathematical Modeling
Studies suggest our brains measure time on a sliding scale: as we get older, we become less sensitive to small chunks of time, so days and years feel shorter.
Réfléchisseur
réfléchisseur
An old/archaic French word that translates to “one who reflects/ponders.”
Some thoughts
I first came across the word while reading Montaigne, and it’s lingered ever since. I’m not sure why exactly other than I love the idea that there’s an actual term for someone who thinks instead of consumes/scrolls. Someone who will read a book and sits with it for months before writing a thoughtful discourse rather than rushing to TikTok to give a 90 second “hot take.”
The Fugio Cent
The Fugio Cent
Minted in 1797, the Fugue cent is the United States’ first official coin. It was made out of copper and thought to have been designed (at least in part) by Ben Franklin.
The front of the coin has a sun and sundial above the word Fugio, Latin for “I Fly.” At the bottom of the coin are the words “Mind Your Business,” thought to have been Franklin’s advice to American citizens, to, well,… mind their business.
On the back of the coin there are 13 linked circles (representing the 13 original colonial states) forming a chain around the words “We Are One.”
Chronotypes
Chronotypes describe the natural timing of your body clock—when you’re wired to wake, work, and wind down.
Chronotypes in Biology
Chronotypes are the nuances of our our individual Circadian rhythm. All of our bodies run on an internal clock that regulate sleep, alertness, and energy levels on a 24-hour cycle. But not everyone’s “clock” is set the same: some people naturally wake early and feel sharp in the morning, while others peak later in the day. Research shows this is influenced by genetics, age, and exposure to light. This is often measured on a morning-evening spectrum rather than in rigid categories.
Chronotypes in Pop Science
The popular version translates these rhythms into animal types—like bear, lion, wolf, and dolphin. They’re a simplified way of talking about whether you function best early, late, or in between, but have no medical or biological basis.
Bear – Energy follows the sun: awake with daylight, tired after dark.
Lion – Early riser with peak focus in the morning.
Wolf – Night owl who hits their stride later in the day.
Dolphin – Light sleeper with irregular energy and alertness.
Further reading: The Power of When by Michael Breus
5am
I wake up around 5am most days. I rarely miss a sunrise, and when I do, I’m disappointed.
When people hear this, they either think I’m nuts, or say something like, “Ugh, I wish I were a morning person…”
This post is for the latter group who wants to get up earlier, but “can’t…”
Listen, I’m not going to claim that chronotypes aren’t real, but I am going to tell you this:
I have not always been a morning person.
In my teens and early 20s, I could probably sleep until 11am when allowed. By my mid-to-late 20s I was in the corporate world with a desk job, where 9am meetings were the standard, and even then I would stay up well past midnight, and my mornings involved constant negotiations with myself, bargaining for just “one hit of more snooze button,” because I could get by without washing my hair one more day, and traffic probably wouldn’t be that bad…” Coffee was always hastily made, chugged from a travel mug in the car, and rarely enjoyed.
Learning to wake up at 5am took practice and a deliberate commitment to change.
I decided I wanted to be the type of person who woke up early, and it didn’t happen overnight (heh). And it took years of relying on a dreaded alarm before my body finally learned and loved the new rhythm.
As to the common argument that you can’t fall asleep early enough to allow you to get up early …
Well, here’s the unpleasant reality to that: You’ve got to be willing to put in a few days/weeks forcing yourself to get up at 5am even though you went to bed at 1am. It means you will be temporarily tired.
But being tired means you will also be excited for bed earlier than you’re used to.
And spoiler alert, the earlier you go to bed, the easier it is to get up early. Being an early riser is as much about your bed time as it is your wake-up time.
I’m not arguing for turning everyone into morning people. If it sounds like hell, don’t.
But for those who do want to join the sunrise club, take it from a former “night owl…”
You can change if you want to.
Picture: My Commonplace Book
Here’s a photo of my Commonplace book. I always love seeing other people’s notebooks but am too shy to share my own. Trying to “give back” a little bit…
Minimalist Websites
I relaunched a website template I built last year, but am always too nervous to put out into the world because its style is so very different from all of the other big website template shops out there. Much like my own website (the one you’re on now), it’s deliberately minimalist—so much so that I rebranded it as such from Capsule to … The Minimalist.
Not only do I love the aesthetics of an intentionally simple website (they’re harder to design than you would think—because there are so few details, the details matter), but text-focused websites are also incredibly user-friendly for both the site owner and site visitors.
I spend way more time on a website with a bunch of text links and content than I do one with animated buttons and giant banner images (also, they load faster and look equally good on mobile and desktop)
Here she is…
If you want to buy The Minimalist.
A day
My Day
Location, Hells Kitchen, NYC
Weather: storms & flood watch
Mood: Mellow yet productive
Calendar: Free day
Astrology Today
Sun: Cancer Season
Moon: Waning Gibbous, Pisces
Currently
Reading: The Ode Less Traveled by Stephen Fry
Working On: Capsule, a Squarespace 7.1 template for personal websites / digital commonplace books
Watching: Criminal Minds (we’re on Season 5)
Daily Log
Slept horribly last night—super hot! definitely overdue for our summer bedding makeover*—but despite feeling scratchy this morning, I’m in a calm and happy mood. I love the “fresh start” vibes that come with Monday morning, especially when I have a long stretch of days coming up with nothing on the calendar.
I also feel increasingly clear on what I’m doing with this website and my “personal brand,” which is essentially, whatever the F I want.
Watermelon. Seedy toast with butter. String cheese.
Pork chop + few crumbles of buttermilk biscuit for the dog. She was more into the biscuit.
After a few weeks of feeling ashamed of my astrology practice, I’m back at it, and it feels so good and so right.
Sliced orange & grapefruit with a bit of oil, Maldon sea salt & toasted almonds.
Laundry, towels. My favorite laundry, everything folds into tidy squares.
* I love linen bedding, especially for summer; the weight, the breathability … but they get so stretched out so easily, and as much as I love the texture, sometimes I also just want smooth sheets. So we’ve been using these Tencel sheets from Casper. They too are great for hot sleepers, but they’re extremely thin, and the flat sheet is stubby on our king bed. Basically, I’m a bedding Goldilocks and told myself to just deal with the tradeoffs. BUT THEN … Parachute recently released a combination! Linen and Tencel! Which basically feels like these sheets are made for me, but not my wallet. So I’ve been waiting/hoping for them to go on clearance. I thought today was the day, but alas … only one color was on sale (I’m pretty loyal to white bedding) and the king-size was out of stock. Here’s to continuing to manifest a sale on this set in white with side-open envelope, pillows on sale.
Dinner-ish was cheesy scrambled egg taco topped with sauerkraut, inspired by the breakfast sandwich at Kitty’s in Hudson. If you’re thinking sauerkraut on eggs sounds weird, same, but be prepared to be pleasantly surprised.
The promised summer storm was a doozy, and I can’t think of a more perfect night than rain pounding against the window, nonstop lightening bolts, a Manhattan, and the blank page of a notebook begging to be filled…
Summer Happenings
Woke up feeling a little anxious. Happens sometimes when I have stuff on the calendar, even fun stuff. Actually, pretty much any time I have something on the calendar. A knot in my stomach whether it’s a dentist appointment, a Zoom call, or brunch.
Breakfast: Watermelon. Sourdough toast.
Met a friend for the NYC Bastille Day street fair. A lovely time, but wouldn’t overly recommend the fair. The croissant was mediocre, and a bite of Anth’s crepe made me remember that I’m not just indifferent to nutella, I outright loathe it. However, the baguette with ham, butter and corinchons was perfect. Would not hesitate to get a sandwich from Cafe D’Aginon next time I pass one.
It was cloudy and humid, the kind of unpleasant stickiness that sneaks up on you, and your bra sticks to your back before you even register that you’re hot.
Sought out some AC with afternoon drinks at the men’s bar at Bergdorf Goodman. For a seemingly random location, the bartenders were delightful, the drinks innovative. Also, the nicest receipt paper! It felt like luxury stationary. It’s the little things.
On the way home, stopped by our neighborhood bar to catch up with another friend. Was reminded how much I’m very not into soccer, and the receipt paper didn’t spark joy. Luckily, the conversation did.
Quiet afternoon and evening; a bit of notebook time + Criminal Minds. Leftover ground beef tacos, which always taste so much better than they should for how simple they are.
On my mind: I am loving this personal website project this summer, but no matter how many times I announce that it’s a place to post pretty things, to post random, to be “niche free,” I keep catching myself feeling like I’m supposed to make it focused. Either ALL IN on minimal, ALL IN on astrology, ALL IN on design, ALL IN on black and white imagery. Even as I write on this site that it’s anti-niche, I still try to turn that into a niche.
For example, I’ll love all things neutral (that will always be true) and I love the way the site looks when it’s all black and white imagery, or text only. But then I’ll start to feel limited. I wanted to add emoji! Or ll start to itch to make a mood board with bright summery images that fit that day’s mood. But then, oh no! It doesn’t look MATCHY next to the all white/beige mood board, and don’t even get me started about Fall when I’ll inevitably be craving all things warm, rich and moody.
I think I’ve been trained to think that if we go off brand, we’ll lose people. That if someone finds us because we’ve posted about astrology, and then the next day we post about romance writing, which they don’t care about, that we’ll lose them. Or that if they follow us because they think our stance on quitting Instagram is interesting, but then the very text day you’re talking about your favorite tarot cards and you lose them…
Note to self: you make it a point not to live for other people in real life—why the hell would you do it online?
Slow Summer
Five quiet ways to enjoy the summer season.
Order something from a bakery and enjoy it without looking at your phone.
Roam a section of a bookstore you don’t normally explore.
Listen to an entire album, in order.
Watch the sunset or sunrise while doing nothing else.
Send a postcard to a friend. If you don’t have a post card, make one.
4 Favorite Things
Four things I’ve been into this summer.
Midori MD Notebooks
I’m a huge notebook/pen/stationary junkie, and can be a bit fickle, but I’ve been pretty loyal to these Midori MD notebooks for over a year now. They’re minimal/simple in the best way, have nice thick paper, and my favorite part is the way they lie completely flat. They’re somehow more “informal” than the super popular Leuchtturm and Moleskine brands, which I find leads me to reach for them more often without pressure. I’m mostly using the A5 size (I like the grid pages) right now, but I’ve love their B6 Slim, which is perfect for throwing in my bag.
You get can get them on Amazon, but I much prefer to support Atlas Stationers, a delightful stationary store in Chicago that sends a hand written note in all of their shipments.
Disney Dreamlight Valley
I love cozy games (I basically lived on my Animal Crossing island in 2021), and I’ve recently rediscovered my love for Disney Dreamlight Valley. As far as I’m concerned, running around my valley planting carrots and mining for gems with Mulan or Flynn Rider in tow is the perfect summer evening.
I play the Apple Arcade version because we have a subscription, though I do suffer from intense jealousy of not being able to buy all the cute stuff from the premium shop I see on YouTube.
One of my favorite parts is the creative community and their decorating skills. Like I said, my valley’s more or less just rows of planted carrots, but [some people are so creative with their builds!]
https://disneydreamlightvalley.com/
Vuori Daily Skirt
I’ve mentioned before that I have a very minimalist wardrobe and wear the same thing pretty much every day. Vuori’s “Daily Skirt” is aptly named—it’s become the most essential part of my summer wardrobe!
If this skirt isn’t in the wash, I’m wearing it. It’s has built-in shorts which makes for zero self-consciousness when bending down to pick up dog-owner-in-the-city duties (💩) but looks like a cute skirt, and can be dressed up or down. I have it in black, but have been eyeing the white!
A note on the length... Per their website the Regular is for people 5’7 and below, and Long for 5’8 and above. I’m 5’7 so I got the Regular, and it’s definitely a short skirt on me. If you’re in the 5’6 / 5’7 range and don’t like to show a lot of leg, you might want to consider the Long. :)
Loving Tan Mousse
On the note of summer vibes, I feel so much more confident with a “tan” but not a tan.
I’ve been using Loving Tan (I know, I know, the company name is terrible…) for years. I’ll sometimes dabble with celebrity recommended brands, or whatever’s new and featured and highly reviewed on Nordstrom, but I always come back to this.
It wins for me in all categories. The color is non-orange, the scent is almost non-existent, the application is easy/non-streaking and one application lasts a full week.
I like all their products, but my go-to is the mousse in Ultra Dark.
ChatGPT Interview
I forget when the silly image first popped into my head, but sometimes when I sit down to write, I imagine it as sewing.
The “pen” (keyboard) is the needle. I then thread the needle with an idea or story of some kind and then sew until I get something recognizable. A sweater (novel), a questionable sock (the articles on this blog).
Only sometimes I don’t feel like making a sweater or a sock, but I still want the ritual of sewing. Basically, I want to sew, but have someone pick the thread and pattern for me.
Which actually, is a real thing.
When I was a kid, I used go to Michael’s during summer vacation and get a stamped cross stitch kit. The design is already printed onto the fabric and all the appropriate colored threads are provided. You just have to pull the thread, in the pattern provided. Basically the sewing equivalent of paint by numbers.
Today, I’m doing a “write by numbers.” I asked ChatGPT to come up with 10 random interview questions. My only parameters were “varied in topic and seriousness, and non-cliché.”
Stamped cross stich, but for writers…
Which do you trust more—instinct or logic?
My instinctual reaction was logic. 😅 And I think I stand by that answer, though I’ve been easing my grip the past couple years, opening my mind to things that can’t be seen/proven. Tarot. Astrology. All things witchy. 🔮👀 I feel immeasurably happier and calmer, even though there’s no logical reason why.
If your laundry could give you performance reviews, what would it say?
“Proficient, but no style points. It’s like you don’t even enjoy this…”
If your personality were a location, where would it be?
A really remote cabin in the woods, but a nice one. Like, it’s way off-the-grid, but also somehow has super fast wi-fi, wine cellar, and excellent water pressure.
Which animal do you think needs a new PR team?
Spiders. Evolution totally did them dirty…
Hey, yeah, so you’re going to have two more legs than the other bugs, which means your gait’s going to be distinctly unsettling. Also, don’t even think about trying to hang out with the insects, because you’re not one. Also, some of you will be poisonous. Also, some of you will have to live out your days in a lighted box as an inexplicable pet. Also, you will have sticky string that shoots out of your butt, which you must use to build your own house. You will then have to rebuild that house constantly, because your butt string is fragile. Also, for a hot minute you’ll be tempted to thank E.B. White for making you a heroine in Charlotte’s Web, but best you don’t get too invested in the ending…
If your childhood bedroom could talk, what’s one sentence it would say?
“I know there’s a cactus in a broken pot hidden in the back of your bookshelf because you’re too scared to tell your parents you dropped it…”
If your inner critic had a name and a profession …
Jace, never Jason. Went to MIT. Dropped out because he was smarter than the professors, or so he thought. Now is an essential part of Silicon Valley’s unique brand of bro culture. Turns every single idea into an app that is acquired for 7 figures. Jace knows that none of my ideas or passions are even remotely scalable to pay for Manhattan’s cost of living, and lets me know it often.
If your life had a sound effect that played every time you entered a room, what would it be?
The clack of old-fashioned typewriter.
If someone followed you around for 24 hours, what would confuse them most?
That I love to go to bed in the 8pm hour, and often am awake by 4am. On purpose.
This is highly uncool in a city where shows don’t start until 7pm, and 7:45 dinner reservations are considered “early.”
But my brain does its best work in the early morning. Case in point, I’m writing this post from bed at 3:45am, and many college papers and Lauren Layne books have been written much the same way. And honestly, I just like being up early more than I do being up late.
One of my favorite fantasies is flipping the script. Being bold enough so that when someone suggests dinner at 8pm on Friday, I say, “I can’t, but how about bagels at 6am on Saturday?” And when they laugh incredulously and say they’ll be in bed, I reply, “Wait, so you don’t want to change your sleep routine to grab a meal on someone else’s schedule?!”
What is your superpower?
I don’t really get bored or lonely. I’m pretty happy entertaining myself for days on end.
If your inner monologue had to be narrated by a celebrity, who would you pick and why?
Not a celeb, so much as a specific character: Nick Miller. If he’s on deadline for another zombie book, then Wednesday Addams.
What’s a hobby you’ve never attempted but deeply intrigues you?
Making bread. I think about it a weird amount but have never even tried!
The Offense of Star Ratings
I think star ratings are ghastly when applied to art.
When I say art, I’m talking specifically but those art forms that are most often subjected to star ratings:
Movies and books.
(And if you’re thinking those don’t count as art, I’m thinking you’ve never made a movie or written a book.)
To be clear, it’s completely valid to have strong positive or negative emotions about a piece of art. I watch movies that I don’t enjoy all the time. I dislike plenty of books. Just as often, I’ll find myself all-consumed by a movie, delighted by a book I can’t seem to stop thinking about.
What is offensive to me is taking subjective stance (love/like/didn’t like/hate) and applying an objective rating (1-5 stars).
I don’t think there is a such thing as 1 star movie or a 5 star book. How can there be when one person’s 1 star “didn’t finish” is another person’s 5 star “keeper shelf.”
How can a movie be one star and five star?
It can’t be.
Yes, you could dismiss it as a simple shorthand. “Oh, it’s just a quick and easy way to keep track of which movies we liked or didn’t…”
But I’d argue this shortcut is a caustic one.
Star ratings ecourage us to think of art as a commodity, especially on sites like Amazon where novels and movies are subjected to the same rating system as batteries, and plastic food storage containers, and toilet paper.
Batteries can be objectively bad if they don’t hold a charge. Plastic food storage containers should get a 1-star rating if the lid cracks with first use (no, you’re talking from first bitter first hand experience…)
And let’s be, really, 1 star toilet paper is basically a crime.
But is it right to slap the same 1 star rating to a book as subpar batteries, shitty tupperware, or toilet paper that doesn’t do its job?
I’d argue that’s the bigger crime.
Over the Fourth of July weekend, Anth and I watched The Sandlot and National Treasure. I enjoyed both immensely. But I wouldn’t recommend either to my parents. Or come to think of it, most of my friends.
What I enjoyed in that particular moment, on that particular day doesn’t translate to all people in all situations.
Does that make it a one star movie? Five star?
I recently finished The Notebook: A History of Thinking on Paper. It was well written, well-researched, and interesting, but I didn’t love it. A mood thing, probably. So … two star? Four star?
Art isn’t a product. It can’t malfunction. It can’t arrive broken. It doesn’t owe you convenience or personal resonance.
Maybe we stop trying to score books and movies. Maybe we simply experience them.
And make room for others to do the same, without bias.
Digital Gardens
Digital gardens explore a wide variety of topics and are frequently adjusted and changed to show growth and learning, particularly among people with niche interests. Through them, people are creating an internet that is less about connections and feedback, and more about quiet spaces they can call their own. Source.
A garden is a collection of evolving ideas that aren’t strictly organised by their publication date. They’re inherently exploratory – notes are linked through contextual associations. They aren’t refined or complete - notes are published as half-finished thoughts that will grow and evolve over time. They’re less rigid, less performative, and less perfect than the personal websites we’re used to seeing.” Source.
I mentioned yesterday that I want to turn this website into a place with “a bunch of stuff to click on.” Not a blog, not a portfolio, not a shop.
But all of those things. Plus my own sort of wiki, notes-to-self, guides, photos, designs …
Random scraps of me.
Here are some resources I’ve scrounged up on digital gardens and personal websites.
Personal Website Ideas
How to Set Up Your Own Digital Garden
Create a Digital Commonplace Book
Return of the Personal Website
Open Garage Door
I forget where I first heard/read the idea of “working with the garage door up,” but I think about it constantly.
It means sharing your process while you’re still in it—not waiting until everything’s polished, edited, branded or launch ready. Showing the planning stages, the half-baked thoughts, the false starts, the uncomfortable doubts. It’s your random ideas or things you find interesting that don’t have a formal “place or purpose,” but you share them anyway.
It’s about connecting with and inspiring others with the process, not impressing them with the final product.
I particularly like Andy Matuschak’s take on the concept:
One of my favorite ways that creative people communicate is by “working with their garage door up,” to riff on a passage from Robin Sloan. This is the opposite of the Twitter account which mostly posts announcements of finished work: it’s Screenshot Saturday; it’s giving a lecture about the problems you’re pondering in the shower; it’s thinking out loud about the ways in which your project doesn’t work at all…I want to see the process. I want to see you trim the artichoke. I want to see you choose the color palette. Source.
Today’s Garage Projects
One.
I recently finished The Notebook (not the tearjerker Nicholas Sparks novel). Eventually, I may try to take my messy notes and put them into a nicely written assessment, but for now, here’s where we’re at. These are my book notes … (way better viewed on a computer/tablet, or at least turn your phone vertical and pinch and zoom.)
https://app.milanote.com/1UxmWi1C0jw888?p=O1uAhuBoe6V
Two.
I’ve felt a little paralyzed on what my website should be/look like, and I think I’ve settled on this terribly profound direction: I want there to be a lot of stuff to click on. I want it to be stuffed full of my ideas, other’s ideas, interesting facts, poems, my creative portfolio, astrology guides, daily tarot pulls, color palette inspiration, book notes, Milanote tutorials, makeup recommendations, apps I love… I want to turn this site into a digital garden ← Digital gardens will probably be the topic tomorrow’s post, unless I change my mind, which is likely.
Three.
I created this graphic for one of my favorite poems.
Pretty Things
When I first started having the inkling that I may not want to write romance novels anymore, at least not as the all-consuming full-time job it once had been for a decade, I was terrified.
There was no back-up plan.
This was wildly terrifying on two fronts.
The first: Money. Obviously. I essentially quit my job.
But I can figure that out. What keeps me up at night isn’t that I have no idea how to pay rent. It’s that I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I wanted to be an author more than anything for literally my entire life, and suddenly that drive was gone.
Losing your job is stressful. Losing your purpose is devastating.
Whenever I start to spiral with a shrill, “What do I do if not write romance novels?!”
What do you want to do?
Without thinking, I always respond with the simplest of answers.
I want to create pretty things.
Minimal websites. Typography-first designs. Vision boards, wallpapers, logos, brand boards. I like to take concepts I love (astrology, tarot, digital gardens, slow living, commonplace books) and package them in an aesthetically minimalist and pleasing way. Book covers, pins, mood boards.
I’ve spent the past year or so trying to figure out how to stuff that desire into a business plan. A creative studio? A template shop?
I thought I was being practical, but I think I’ve just been … stalling.
Spending so much time thinking about what to do with the skill/passion, that I’m not actually doing anything at all.
So today … I did. I made pretty things with no agenda other than the creative process.
The first is a graphic I made to remember our meal from yesterday, in one of my favorite fonts. It serves no purpose but to please my own eye.
Below that is a wallpaper I made for July for my laptop and phone. If you want to download them for your own use, you’re welcome to.
Here’s to letting the creative process lead us, and not the other way around.
Yesterday’s menu.
July Desktop Wallpaper
{ download }
July Phone Wallpaper
{ download }
The Fourth
Happy Fourth to my fellow Americans. I love this holiday, especially now that our elderly dog is too deaf to hear the fireworks which used to cause three straight hours of her trying to dig to safety in the bathtub. 🙂🇺🇸
Weather
A flawless summer day in NYC. Sunny, low humidity and just a touch of a breeze. So naturally, we will be spending most of the day indoors. 🤷🏻♀️
Listening to
I will probably belt out wobbly alto version of Lee Greenwood’s “God Bless the USA” at some point today, but most of the the summer bbq / Fourth of July playlists out there start to get a little monotonous, like we’re only allowed to listen to Springsteen, Katy Perry’s “Firework” or country everything.
So I made my own playlist, one that probably only Anth and I will like. It has everything from Dolly Parton to Third Eye Blind to Oscar Peterson to Taylor Swift to Natalie Cole to Abba.
Watching
We watched Independence Day last year (which I remember being a lot more fun than it was on rewatch 🤔). Anyway, weren’t feeling that again this year, so I put together a list of campy favorites. We won’t get to all of them, but here are the contenders.
National Treasure
Nicholas Cage steals the Declaration of Independence? I mean, you’ve gotta. (I unapologetically love this movie).
The Parent Trap … the new one
Has absolutely nothing to do with the holiday, but it’s got flawless summer vibes and a great soundtrack. Impossible to watch without instantly wanting to relocate to Napa.
The Sandlot
American nostalgia at its best . “You’re killing me, Smalls!”
Jaws
I’m not sure I’ve even seen the whole thing! But apparently it takes place on the Fourth of July.
Maverick
Anth and I love this movie more than is strictly healthy. I like it better than Top Gun. I said what I said.
If we’re feeling ambitious and brainy:
Ken Burn’s Baseball or American Revolution documentaries. The latter’s only 12 hours, shouldn’t be a problem.
Eating
We always do fried chicken on the Fourth, but we’re changing it up this year!
We’re big Thomas Keller fans, and some internet sleuthing led us to this Fourth of July menu from his restaurant Ad Hoc.
We’re going to try and recreate parts of it.
Watermelon & Friseé Salad
Our version: watermelon, friseé, mixed pitted olives, radishes, drizzled with balsamic and olive oil
Lobster rolls
We don’t mess around with celery or even lemon. Butter, a ton of lobster, stuffed into the most basic of hot dog buns. That’s it. Maybe some chives. Maybe.
Corn on the cob & red potatoes
Low-key boil, then served with some chive-garlic butter.
Homemade Oreos with Peanut Butter Filling
I don’t have a sweet tooth, and always skip desert. My two exceptions are Oreos, or anything but peanut butter, so I’m counting the minutes until these!
Sipping
Whispering Angel rosé, Vermentino. Perhaps a Negroni for Anth (red!) and a Manhattan for me (American whisky!.) ← This is about the point that “God Bless the USA” will make its appearance, sung by yours truly.
Enjoying
Life.
5 Simple Things
Here are five simple things that dramatically changed my life for the better.
I wear the same thing every day
This one is such a minimalist cliché that it sounds almost culty, but I am so much happier when I keep my wardrobe at the absolute bare minimum.
I have wear a black linen-blend tee every day in summer. In fall it’s a long-sleeve black cotton tee, in spring a short sleeve cotton tee. Sweater in winter. I have 1-2 exact duplicates of each top for laundry day. I have exactly one dress for nice occasions, exactly one skirt for kinda nice occasions, and so on.
The commonly quoted rational behind having a “uniform” is that it reduces decision fatigue. Every choice we make throughout the day drains a bit of mental energy. Streamlining your wardrobe eliminates one early, unnecessary decision.
Which I know sounds a little silly. How much mental energy can getting dressed really use?
But it’s worth noting that former President Obama said this:
“You'll see I wear only gray or blue suits. I’m trying to pare down decisions. I don’t want to make decisions about what I’m eating or wearing. Because I have too many other decisions to make.”
Steve Jobs said this:
“Every day I get up to a closet hung with the very same shirt, and the very same slacks, and the very same shoes … I do that so that I don’t have to think about that. And I choose not to think about that because I choose to think about much more important things.”
And Albert Einstein said this:
“I don’t want to waste my brainpower on what I’m going to wear.”
I mean, if it’s good enough for those underachievers…
I read the Daily Stoic every morning
This book has been a part of my morning routine for about four years now and I can say with total confidence that I’ve become calmer, kinder, and less likely to cluck about petty or trivial things.
It takes a single minute, maybe two, out of my morning, and this book makes me question and contemplate every single day the type of person I want to be.
This link is for the original version of The Daily Stoic. If you’re ever looking for a stunning gift idea, this leather-bound edition is one of our most prized possessions.
I quit dying my hair
I started going gray in my twenties and my hair grows fast, which means by the time I was 40, I was in the salon every two weeks.
After a year of contemplating “letting it go” but being too scared, when I was 41 I had a blunt chat with myself. “What’s the plan here, Lauren? To spend the next 30+ years going to the salon every two weeks, to sit in a chair for an hour to get chemicals brushed onto your scalp to pretend your hair is a color it hasn’t been since you were 23?”
That plan sounded horrible, so … I quit. I quit slopping black dye on my head every couple weeks.
I could write a whole essay about how freeing it was to go gray at 41 as a woman in a culture obsessed with youth optics. I could write a book.
Instead, I’ll say this. My mom (very supportive of my decision, btw) asked yesterday how I was liking the process, and I said, “Best thing I’ve ever done.”
Which I know is a little eye roll—it’s just hair. But a strange thing happened when I let my hair be itself; I started to be myself. When I quit pretending to be a brunette, I found myself questioning where else in my life I was pretending to make myself be “prettier,” more palatable, more in line with society. Embracing gray at a “young” age didn’t just change my look—it changed my personality.
Like I said. I could write a book.
I (mostly) quit reading the news
Anth and I quit checking the news every day, and have become happier, more productive, and more creative. For some reason, this often sets people into a tizzy. “Don’t you want to be informed?!”
To which I’m always dying to say, “You’re ‘informed’ and how’s that working out for you? You’re always worked up about something some senator said, and you seem kinda miserable …”
I don’t bury my head in the sand and ignore the world, I just prefer to explore and understand the world through reading books. I want to hear from someone who took years to research a topic, and another year to write about it. Not someone reading off a teleprompter or churning out clickbait articles about a topic nobody will remember next week.
As Anth said in this post, if it’s not worthy of writing a book about, perhaps it doesn’t need our full attention or to dominate our thoughts.
I journal
I used to really struggle with anxiety. Not in the “needs meds” kind of way, but a worrier, for sure. I say used to because I’m not anymore, not in the same way. Sometimes I try to pinpoint what changed, and shrug…no idea.
But a few days ago, I was anxious. Quite anxious, for a few days, just like the old me, kind of out of nowhere. It passed, and when it did, I realized something:
I didn’t journal on those days. I almost always journal at least once a day, but I didn’t on those. Which got me thinking back …
My anxiety disappeared when I started regularly journaling. There’s something about putting all the crap in your head onto paper to help realize a lot of it is just that: crap.
Journaling helps me identify which thoughts are worth exploring (creative ideas, etc) and which are best handed off to those patient, non-judgmental pages.
My Tech Habits
I’ve always been fascinated by how other people do things.
Morning routines, evening routines, writing processes, productivity systems, file management set-ups, goal setting processes. I’m into it, and I want detail.
When I read Erin Loechner’s For the Curious: My Own Tech Habits, Rules, Boundaries blog post, I knew I wanted to write my own.
I see a lot people talking about the tools they use in tech (favorite apps, digital set-ups, etc) but few people talking about the role technology plays in their life. Not just the ways we choose to use it, but the way we don’t.
Here are my tech habits, rules, and boundaries. There are many overlaps with Erin’s because I share (and have been influenced by) her digital minimalist mindset.
I don’t check email every day.
This one’s relatively new, and not so much a rule, as something I stumbled into. I used to check my email all day long. Not compulsively, but I think like a lot of people, my inbox was simply open when I was on my laptop. And whenever I reached for my phone, I’d check the Mail app out of habit.
I think the shift started when I quit wearing my Apple Watch. I’d grown accustomed to doing a quick check of my inbox on my wrist. When that was no longer an option, it broke the habit, and for whatever reason, I never felt compelled to replace the habit by checking my email on a different device.
I don’t have any rules about it, it’s not even a conscious thing. It’s, “Okay, no email on weekends” or “no email after five” or “I tackle my inbox on Tuesdays and Thursdays only” kind of thing. I just sort of … check it when I think about it.
Most email is not urgent, and if it is truly time-sensitive, my life is set up as such so that the one who sent it has my phone number and knows to text, which happens about once a year.
Inbox Zero
When I do open my email app, I don’t close it again until it’s completely empty.
I delete most of my email. Way more than I used to. Anything that’s just an FYI or heads up, I delete. I’ve quit doing the, autopilot “Thank you!” or “got it!” to every email. That’s just one more email in the other person’s inbox that they have to deal with/delete. No wonder so many people’s inboxes are out of control.
When it’s someone sending me something to read or watch, if I’m not in the mood or not interested, delete, unless the link/article is paired with a thoughtful discourse. I forget who planted this seed in my head, but I can’t get it out: It takes approximately 30 seconds to copy/paste an article link or YouTube link into an email with the note “thought u might find this interesting.” And yet when we receive such an email, we feel need to spend far more than 30 seconds reading/watching the thing sent to us, and then replying with something that proves we consumed it.
I’m not actually as snippy about this as I sound, I always appreciate someone thinking of me, it’s more that I no longer feel obligated to consume everything sent my way. And when I send something to someone else, I try to take put some thought and time into it. If I think it’s worth their time, then I should be willing to make it worth my time.
(👆🏻 I break that rule all the time, especially with poor Anth. “READ THIS.”)
If an email requires my response, I respond to it then and there. If it’s something chunkier that requires more time than I have in the moment, I drag/send the email to the Things app (my task manager) and set the date where I need to deal with this, based on its priority. (You can also send email to Apple’s free Reminders app).
As I write this, I’m realizing it’s really less about the an obsessive need to get to “Inbox Zero,” and more about ensuring that my inbox never doubles as a “to do” app. When I sit down to figure out what I want/need to do on a given day, I never have to open my inbox to see what’s languishing and risk getting derailed by low priority stuff.
I don’t subscribe to emails
Continuing on with my email habits, I don’t subscribe to … anything.
I try to live by this oldie-but-goodie:
Create more than you consume.
I find one of the easiest ways to make that happen is to remove any sort of “automation” from my consumption process. That means no email subscriptions of any kind. Not just from retailers and businesses (I prefer to buy new makeup or sweaters when I need new makeup or sweaters, not because I get an email letting me knew something is new and on sale) but from other creators/writers as well.
I used to make an exception for James Clear’s excellent 3-2-1 emails. It’s still excellent, but he’s become a bit salesy and self-promoting, and I don’t allow that into my inbox unless specifically requested, which I did not. Unsubscribe.
That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy other people’s writing, and that I’m not a superfan/follower of many writers and creators. I totally am.
But I find if I enjoy someone’s work enough, I remember them. I’ll actively seek them out to see what they’re up to. Case in point, the aforementioned Erin. I’ve read and re-read every single thing she’s written for years, but I’ve never subscribed to her newsletter. I visit her website when I think to visit her website, which is often.
Same goes for Ryan Holiday. I’m low-key obsessed, and visit his website once a week or so, not because I get his emails, but because I want to read what he has to say. This applies for authors I like as well. I’ve never subscribed or followed Ron Chernow, Lisa Kleypas, or Walter Isaacson, but I always know when they have a new book out because I proactively check every so often.
Does this mean I miss out on some nuggets by creators whose work I truly like because my brain isn’t big enough to remember everybody? Sure. But maybe this is a good thing. Maybe that allows me to stumble upon something new and fresh I’m meant to find, or better yes, create something new and fresh.
Email newsletters (and oh, hello, Substack) have been foisted up onto the Creator Pedestal in the past few years as the anti social media. “The only user base you actually own!” The advice is not wrong. I still think gathering newsletter subscribers is a way better option than amassing social media followers. I have a sign-up here on this site for people that do like to get email. My way doesn’t have to be your way.
But it’s worth noting that at the end of the day, everyone is still fighting for a chunk of your precious time and attention.
Protect your inbox. Create more than you consume.
My love of Pinterest is waning
As someone who’s been inactive on traditional social media for years, Pinterest has long been my safe haven.
And if you’re thinking, “Wait, isn’t Pinterest social media?” Not really. Marketing gurus call it a “visual search engine.” It’s more about finding creative inspiration for a specific concept rather than following or getting updates from a specific person/business.
But whatever we call it, it’s always felt a little less toxic than traditional social media, perhaps because unlike TikTok and Instagram, it hasn’t been deliberately engineered to be addictive and keep you on the app; posts are clickable to external links, which prioritizes the original creator of the content rather than platform itself.
That said, while I still do use and enjoy Pinterest, it’s less than I used to. What used to be a safe haven is increasingly feeling like a maze of billboards. Every urban sketch or color palette inspiration I want to save is sandwiched between an ad for Swiffer and an ad for ugly wide-legged pants. 40-60% of the posts I can see on my screen at a given time are ads.
I get it. Pinterest needs to make money somehow, we all do. But I have increasingly less patience for being constantly sold to. That old adage, “If something is free, you’re the product” is something I think about often. If we’re not paying for a product, it usually means our attention, data, or behavior is being sold to someone who is.
If Pinterest offered a paid subscription where we could use the platform without ads, I’d literally throw my money at them.
I pay for YouTube Premium
Which is why I happily pay for YouTube Premium even though I’m not really a YouTube power user. Mostly I use YouTube to watch “journal with me” videos, commonplace book flip throughs, and Hogwarts ambiance videos while I’m working. But the monthly cost is worth it to consume only what I want to consume without an algorithm trying to coax me to buy shit I don’t need.
I don’t listen to podcasts
I’m echoing Erin on this one, though my reasons for disliking podcasts are different than hers. To be really blunt, I find listening to someone blather on in my ear completely unbearable, no matter who it is or what topic.
I don’t keep work hours
Anth and I are both full-time creatives (I know, I kind of hate that term too, but I don’t have a better one) which means we get to set our own work hours.
It’s hands down the best part of being self-employed, which is why … we don’t set any work hours. We didn’t leave the 9-5 to create a self-imposed 9-5, or 7-3, or M-Th work week, or whatever. I know some people thrive by creating these boundaries; no email on weekends, no laptop after 4pm, whatever. That works for them. *
But not for us. We work when we feel like it, which honestly, is kind of all the time.
Our work isn’t something we do, it’s who we are. I’m not writing at 6am or designing a website template at 7pm on that same day because it’s work, I’m doing it because I love it. Because there is literally nothing else I’d rather be doing more.
So yes, we work on weekends, because the idea of a weekend has become mostly irrelevant to us. We work in the early mornings, we work in the late evenings, sometimes all the way through.
But we also take breaks. Yeah, you’ll sometimes find working on a new passion project for 12 straight hours on a Sunday by choice, but just as often you’ll find us at Dalton’s just a couple blocks over on a Tuesday afternoon with fries and a drink because we didn’t feel like working. If I need to step away from work, I do. If I feel like working, I do. The clock and calendar have nothing to do with it.
*I think if we had kids or one of us had a traditional job, this would probably be different; I think I would probably make sure I set aside dedicated family time. But we’re a self-employed family of two adults, which enables us to connect organically throughout the day.
I don’t take many photos
I used to take pictures of everything. What I was cooking, what I was eating. Sunset. Sunrise. Selfies. Grand Central every time I passed by. Literally everything my dog did. Until I realized that I almost never go back and look at any of the photos. And much worse, it serves as an excuse to keep our phone glued to our person. What if I need to take a photo?!
I’m not a purist. I do take the occasional pic, mostly if I think to share a little bit of my life with extended family, all of whom live in different states. But mostly these days I’d rather experience the moment than point my iPhone lens at it.
I try to go analog as often as possible
I love my Apple devices about as much as I love any of my possessions (In a fire, I’m grabbing my dog, my 12 inch iPad Pro with nano texture screen, and our go-bag with important documents in that order).
But I try also try look at something other than screens as often as possible.
I used to love the convenience of ebooks (especially in a tiny apartment with a tiny bookshelf) but these days I read physical books exclusively.
Afternoons and evenings always involve at least an hour with my notebooks, and I carry a little field notes book in my purse, even when I opt to leave my phone at home-especially then.
If I need a mental break, I try to reach for my sketchbook instead of a device.
Again, there are no rules. It’s not a “no screen time after 7pm” kind of thing, I just don’t want my phone to be a central part of my day. It’s worth noting that this becomes much easier when you don’t check email, don’t use social media, and don’t take photos. As such, much of the day I’m not even sure where my phone is.
One thing I would like to get better at is my mornings. I’d love to not keep the phone by the bed, but I need it to turn on the lights with our Home app at 3am when our blind, elderly dog gets a little disoriented trying to find her pee pad. That’s fine, but what happens more often that because I’m usually the first one awake and I don’t want to get out of bed, which wakes the dog, who then wakes the husband. So I reach for my phone as I wait for everyone else to wake up on their terms. Thus, far too often the first inputs into my brain in the morning is random crap on the internet.
I’d like to change that. Maybe do something crazy like lie there and … think.
I keep as few apps on my devices as possible
I used to be a bit of an app junkie, especially as it related to “productivity,” but I’ve made a concerted effort in the past couple years to simplify my life—routine, belongings, mindset, focus—and that includes my tech stack.
I’ll save the actual apps I use for another post, but my general rule is that they must be absolutely essential (Calendar, Messages) or delightful (or at least delight me). For example, I chose to purchase Things instead of using Apple’s free reminders app because I find the minimalist design is a joy to use.
Which is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately as it relates to my tech use. Joy.
We talk a lot about what tech does—how convenient, how useful, how easy to connect! And we’re quick to point out tech’s benefits as a justification for how often we’re staring at screens, but less willing to question what it costs us.
Yes, tech can help us save time. But is it time well spent?
Do we take that extra time to write that book we’ve been meaning to? Send a postcard to a college friend? Dust off the hobby we always say we’ll revisit? Read a book? Make brownies for a neighbor? Write a thank you note to our mail (wo)man?
Or do we google yet another pointless thing, amassing knowledge that we’ll never do anything with, because that would require us to put the phone down. Doomscroll our news app/site of choice and get all worked up about the state of the world. Watch another video of someone making a viral sandwich. Refresh our email/DMs.
Somewhere along the way, we stopped asking how tech feels—how it makes us feel.
If we’re not walking away clearer, calmer, more joyful, or more connected to what matters after picking up our phone, tablet, or computer—maybe it’s worth asking why we picked it up in the first place.
Emotional Accountability
The Daily Stoic has been a part of my morning routine for a couple years now. And supplemented with other reading (The Courage to be Disliked and Ego is the Enemy come to mind), I’ve developed one sort of grounding principle that shapes the way I move through life:
Other people are not responsible for my happiness. I am not responsible for theirs.
That’s not to say I don’t slip up constantly. That I don’t get my feathers ruffled by an email, or irritated at a tone or comment. That I don’t get my feelings hurt.
But I’m getting better at responding to those things. Of reminding myself:
I can choose whether or not to get upset. I am the only one who gets to decide what bothers me.
100% of the time, I am happier when I choose to not let things bother me.
It goes the other way too. Wondering if someone else is upset by a choice I’ve made. I’ll tie myself up in knots taking on moods or wants that do not belong to me. Literally sick to my stomach because I know someone wants me to do something that I don’t want to do.
I have to constantly remind myself: I am not in charge of whether or not another adult human decides to get upset. That’s their business.
That’s not to say we should all live isolated lives, or tromp on other people’s feelings all willy-nilly. We don’t get to say, “Well, you chose to get upset that I said you were ugly and stupid, soooo… that’s your problem.”
We must live with integrity, and act with kindness. Non-negotiable.
But I think too often we misapply ethical principles to suit our emotional needs. We expect other people to do what we want them to do. To want them to want what we want them to want.
And when they don’t, weaponize it. We make it a them thing. The other person is selfish, uneducated, inconsiderate, unkind, or just plain doing life wrong.
But maybe we have it wrong. Maybe the most selfish thing we can do is expect other people to live according to our terms, our values, our wants.
Recently Anth and I got into a … well, I’m not sure it was even a fight. But it was a deeply unpleasant discussion. I wanted him to respond a certain way to something I was working on. And I let myself felt really wounded when he was in a very different place.
That’s the key. I let myself.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend it didn’t hurt because I’m a Stoic. That’s a common misconception. Stoicism is not about not having feelings. People get that wrong. Emotions are a part of being human. Stoicism is about acknowledging your feelings, and deciding what you’re going to do about them.
It’s about saying:
Okay, that stung. What’s my next move.
I have to admit, pre-Daily-Stoic me, my next move would have been to draw this out into a huge drama that I allowed to shake the entire foundation of how we operate as a team. “You don’t support me!!!” (insert shrill reality TV energy here)
I was tempted! “BUT MY FEELINGS!!!!!!”
Instead, I channeled all my energy in the day or two that followed into thinking: “Okay, Lauren. He feels that way. What the hell does it have to with you? You get to decide if his stance impacts your mood and next steps.”
It took work. It takes work to take accountability for your own emotional mood.
But it’s worth it.
The key to a happier life is not wishing/hoping for other people to think like you, be like you, please you.
The key to a happier life is learning how to consistently say, “This happened, this person thinks this way, is this way.”
And then to say:
“Cool. But what’s my move?”
“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.” —Marcus Aurelius