Verbs
Ryan Holiday is one of my favorite writers and his annual birthday posts are some of my favorites. He has a knack for stating what should be obvious, but most of us overlook or willfully ignore in the day-to-day.
Take this nugget:
I’m not sure I’ve ever opened a social media app and then after logging off thought, “Wow, I’m so glad I did that.”
Or this:
George Raveling—who I think is one of the most remarkable people of the 20th century—said that when he wakes up in the morning, as he puts his feet on the floor but before he stands up, he says to himself, “George, you’ve got two choices today. You can be happy or very happy. Which will it be?”
But the one that’s been looming extra large in my mind is this one:
Most labels are unhelpful, too—filmmaker, writer, investor, entrepreneur, executive. These are nouns. But what gets someone to that position? Verbs. Forget the nouns. Focus on the verbs.
I prattled on the other day about my journey in decoupling my identity of romance author from writer. And while it feels really good to be writing again, it wasn’t really the whole picture of what’s been going on with me over the past couple years:
Who am I? What am I?
I enjoy a lot of things and I’m good-ish at a lot of things. Which is not a unique concept. It has a name: polymath. In more modern circles it’s often called a multi-hyphenate.
In an age where authors are also podcasters, and podcasters also have YouTube channels, and YouTube creators often have a course, and from that course you can learn to be a coach, who has a Substack…
Being a polymath isn’t just common, it’s perhaps necessary in today’s creative economy.
There are even multi-hyphenates who make a career out of being multi-hyphenates. Take Jenna Kutcher’s homepage:
She’s way more than just one thing, and we are too!
It should be freeing, right? YOU CAN BE ALL THE THINGS!
And yet for years now, every time I go to create my Pinterest profile bio, my about page, even my homepage I freeze up when I try to finish this sentence:
“I’m Lauren. I’m a …”
Who am I? What am I?
For example, I love to design brands and websites, and I’d like to think I have an eye for it, but I hesitate to call myself a designer for fear real designers will scoff.
I’m a New York Times bestselling romance author, but I haven’t written a book in years, so … former author?
Dog mom? Nope. I love Bailey, but I’m not putting that.
I know a lot about astrology and can kinda sorta read your birth chart, but wouldn’t call myself an astrologer.
I’ve written a screenplay, but does it count if it’s not yet a movie and I’m not working on another one? Not a screenwriter then.
I love to talk about and teach the Milanote app, but “Milanote expert” feels ridiculous.
I’m highly organized, especially digitally, and know I could help other people be as well. But what the hell do you call that? Professional digital organizer? Is that a thing?
I’m good at helping my author friends talk through and organize their careers, and feel like I have a million tips to share on how to write a romance novel. So, author … coach? educator? I guess, sometimes.
And I of course love to write, I’m good at writing, and I do call myself a writer…
But “I’m a writer” feels so woefully far from the full-picture of how I spend my days and what I have to offer, of ways I can contribute. And practically speaking, the kind of writing I like to do right now is not the kind people will pay me for.
Who am I? What am I?
Even if I did get comfy calling myself a designer, an educator, an astrologer… how do I take all of the things that I am and make a career out of it? Does anyone want any of this shit from me?
I’ve been looping in this identity-crisis for years, and laying awake at 3am at night, the self-reflection too often takes an ominous turn.
What am I doing with my life?
It’s uncomfortable to realize: I’ve been so busy deciding what to call myself that I haven’t really been doing anything.
It’s why the above quote from Ryan about labels being unhelpful was such a welcome light bulb moment.
I’ve been focusing on nouns. And in doing so, asking myself the wrong question: Who am I? What am I?
Here’s the better question:
What will I do today? What will I do right now?
Focus on the verbs.
Today, I will create something that did not previously exist and put it out into the world. Repeat.
